Saturday May 23 2009

Was at the library today. I was surprised by the turnout at the library today even though it was 9:45am. Library opens at 10:00 am but the crowd was like a GSS. People were queuing up way before the opening time of the library. Thought I was early, there are people earlier than me.

Anyway, when the shutters open at 10:00 am, it was lika The Amazing Race. Library users; be it the young and the old are all rushing up the various floors to get a seat or get good books… It seems like the library is having a sale. A sale not to be missed. That was the impression I had at the library.

Anyway, today I came cleaned with a friend. Told him my actual roots and what I am actually. Cuz all this while, I was not comfortable introducing myself as myself. So I was using my other name and intro myself as that name. Well, finally, I came clean with the friend. Thank you for accepting me who I am and as what I am.

2008 was a tough year for me and 2009 even tougher. It is almost into June and I am still useless. Useless bum. Many things weighs on my mind. Sigh.

Sigh is the only relief that I can think off. It is like my best word now. Sigh… A sign of relief.

Remember the friend I spoke about tat is pissed with me over the phrase “I wonder when”. Dropped that friend an email to find out how he has been doing. I was surprised by his reply.

His reply to me “ Don’t you understand English? I have say that I am not keen to be your friend. Buzz off”

Sad and disappointed to hear that reply. Are people that sensitive? And this reply came from someone in his 40s. I was wondering whether I am the kid here or did I show him some disrespect. 

It ain’t easy to be a human being today. To satisfy everyone that one knows ain’t easy and it is rather tiring.

Am I listening in so much to people’s problems that I am being affected? AM I STRONG?

I emailed the VP that interviewed me weeks back today on the outcome of the application as she mentioned that she will get back to me latest by this Friday. I just hope that the application is successful and I am able to see light finally.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel?